Unruly

I found out earlier this week that our friends whose daughter also has Rb were informed after her EUA that the tumor in one of her eyes started to regrow.  It is something that I cannot get out of my head for more than half an hour at a time.  As far as I know, there are three options for what might come next for them, with any of the three being a drastic change from the course they had been on up until last Friday.

Due to this, in the last few days I have done a lot of thinking about cancer.  Okay, truth be told I have done a lot of thinking about cancer since May.  I have decided that cancer is like an unruly child.  The most unruly child you have ever encountered.

It does not follow the rules.  It never plays nicely.  It is not polite.  It is not gentle.  It never makes you feel good or appreciated or proud.  It most certainly does not say please or thank you.

It can consume all your energy.
Then, it may get quiet and lure you into a false security that it finally grew up and became more adult.  But it doesn't.
At any time it can pop back and play its rude childish tricks on you again.  It teases.  It haunts you.

In this last week I have re-learned the many things that still can go wrong with Anya's treatment.  Now I am hoping that if I spend enough brain power thinking about them, they will not actually happen.