Days to weeks to months

Last summer, we were living life day by day: never quite knowing how Anya would feel the next day, waiting for someone else to call from the hospital and schedule our lives, using all our energy just to get through one day at a time.  Sometime around October, we slid into living week by week.  We watched as Anya learned to compensate for her loss of vision in her right eye, chemotherapy ended, and school at the Anchor Center began.  With those last two happening nearly simultaneously, we had some adjusting to do, yet it felt good to be able to plan out weeks, instead of just days.

Since the new year, I feel that we have moved onto month by month living.  The largest concern of every month has been Anya's exams under anesthesia.  Each time we have received stable news, and we are then able to plan out and live another month.  We may be finding our new normal, but it feels so tentative, that I have a hard time describing it as normal.

Anya had an EUA last Friday, and while it did produce stable news, it also has us turned a bit upside down.  Perhaps not upside down, but we are a little wonky.  Why?  Because we have to head back to Philadelphia.  The tumor's response to the laser treatment is now so minimal that our doctor does not know if he should continue or not.  To get any response at all, he has had to power the laser quite high and with that power of laser comes risks, namely retinal holes or detachments.  To continue with the laser could be the wrong decision.  To not continue with the laser could be the wrong decision.  In the hopes of finding out the right decision, he wants Anya to be seen by the expert in Retinoblastoma.

We always knew there was a possibility that we would need to go back to Philly.  I thought that if and when we did need to, it would be more urgent than this, so I am thankful that there is no emergency right now.  At the same time, I am already dreading the trip.  The last trip to Philadelphia was difficult on many levels.

Anya - dear, resilient, optimistic, trusting Anya is fine about another trip.  I am quite surprised that she does not seem to remember much of our last trip.  She has an excellent memory, so I can't tell if she is merely uninterested in talking about it right now or if she truly does not remember.  The trip will likely be sometime in the next four to six weeks, so we should be able to have another month of living ahead of us.