Wally

Did I mention that there were, indeed, walruses at Sea World?  Oh yes, and they far exceeded expectations.  Reese wavered between silently entranced and jumping up and down yelling, "Wally!  Wally!"

This experience with Anya's cancer has affected our entire family.  Reese is still too young to fully comprehend what is going on, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't feel the worries and tensions around her.  There have been numerous days that Reese gets to be with her grandparents while the rest of the family goes to the hospital.  Don't get me wrong, she adores being with her grandparents, but at the same time it is hard on her.  There have been times that we aren't home until after she is in bed or we leave before she is up for the day.  When we don't see her all day, she usually decides to make up for it by waking up over and over again in the night.  I can't forget the physical toll Reese has had to pay as well. She has already had two exams under anesthesia and will likely have two or three more before she is able to sit still in the office for exams.  I wonder at what point, if ever, she will resent Anya's cancer simply because she has to be examined so often.

Or maybe she will resent Anya's cancer because we treat Anya differently.  I say that not because I plan on treating Anya differently, but because, on some level, conscious or not, we might.  I wonder how having a child with cancer has changed me as a parent.  I wonder if I will be more paranoid and how, in the long term, that will affect both Reese and Anya.

Reese will never remember Anya without cancer.  She will never remember what her dad and I were like as parents before our entire world changed.  My hope is that somehow the cancer journey can leave some positive impressions on her.  There have been studies that have found that siblings of kids with cancer are often more empathetic than the average person.

For all that Reese has had to endure and what she will endure in the future, it seems fitting that a wish trip for Anya was a trip for Reese as well.  Those walruses certainly gave her the thrill of her 18-month-old life.  Ask her about Sea World now, and she will happily respond, "Wally!"