Left good, right bad
I feel surprisingly at peace with the results of today's exam. We did not get all good news, but I had already resigned myself to getting some bad news. At this point, I am relieved about two things: 1. that it was not only bad news today and 2. the knowing that came today. I have learned that the not-knowing is one of the harder pieces of this wild journey.
The good news that we received is that Anya's left eye has stabilized. I almost don't want to write it for fear that things will change this second, but that is exactly what the doctor said - stabilized. Her retina is not completely attached as there is still one pocket of fluid, but he would expect to see that. There was good news that came along with that: the tumor is shrinking. Let me remind you that this is the low-grade tumor that hasn't responded to the chemo thus far and no one has expected it to. It turns out it did.
Now for the bad news. To put it bluntly, Anya will never again see out of her right eye. There has been significant scarring in her eye caused by the tumor, the laser treatment, and the detached retina. As our doctor said, the scarring is our enemy. He explained it to us this way - the retina is like tissue paper and scarring is like rubber cement. That rubber cement is pulling the tissue paper away from where it needs to be. Her retina is so far detached that there is no hope of doing any kind of procedure to reattach it. This is certainly news that is difficult to swallow. Especially since just one month ago in Philadelphia we were told that Anya is very lucky and odds are that she will have good vision in both her eyes. We have seen, however, how well she gets by with vision in just one eye. We have also learned of friends and friends of friends that have one eye and have led very normal lives. We are hopeful that Anya has that future ahead of her.
Although I say I feel at peace with today's results, we still have a bumpy road ahead of us. We are now pinning all our hopes on that left eye. Additionally, the story is not complete with the right eye. Even though it does not have any vision, it still has a tumor and that tumor will still need to be treated. The treatment options are narrowing, and there remains a large risk that she will have to have that eye removed.
Life for us right now is one day at a time. Today's exam was merely an exam, no surgery. That means Anya should be back to feeling good tomorrow - and likely very hungry as all she has eaten in the past 26 hours is four popsicles and some goldfish crackers. I have to end by saying what an amazing person she is. She never stops teaching me how to live life to its fullest. Nothing seems to slow her down, and this latest news won't either.
The good news that we received is that Anya's left eye has stabilized. I almost don't want to write it for fear that things will change this second, but that is exactly what the doctor said - stabilized. Her retina is not completely attached as there is still one pocket of fluid, but he would expect to see that. There was good news that came along with that: the tumor is shrinking. Let me remind you that this is the low-grade tumor that hasn't responded to the chemo thus far and no one has expected it to. It turns out it did.
Now for the bad news. To put it bluntly, Anya will never again see out of her right eye. There has been significant scarring in her eye caused by the tumor, the laser treatment, and the detached retina. As our doctor said, the scarring is our enemy. He explained it to us this way - the retina is like tissue paper and scarring is like rubber cement. That rubber cement is pulling the tissue paper away from where it needs to be. Her retina is so far detached that there is no hope of doing any kind of procedure to reattach it. This is certainly news that is difficult to swallow. Especially since just one month ago in Philadelphia we were told that Anya is very lucky and odds are that she will have good vision in both her eyes. We have seen, however, how well she gets by with vision in just one eye. We have also learned of friends and friends of friends that have one eye and have led very normal lives. We are hopeful that Anya has that future ahead of her.
Although I say I feel at peace with today's results, we still have a bumpy road ahead of us. We are now pinning all our hopes on that left eye. Additionally, the story is not complete with the right eye. Even though it does not have any vision, it still has a tumor and that tumor will still need to be treated. The treatment options are narrowing, and there remains a large risk that she will have to have that eye removed.
Life for us right now is one day at a time. Today's exam was merely an exam, no surgery. That means Anya should be back to feeling good tomorrow - and likely very hungry as all she has eaten in the past 26 hours is four popsicles and some goldfish crackers. I have to end by saying what an amazing person she is. She never stops teaching me how to live life to its fullest. Nothing seems to slow her down, and this latest news won't either.
posted by beautiful big blue eyes at
8:00 PM
2 Comments:
So often I don't respond because I have no idea what to say. You are all close to my heart everyday. There are pictures at home and at school reminding me to think of you all often and giving me the chance to tell others of you and Miss Anya. Even though we don't see you much, you are in my heart...
I am glad you're done with this unknown but grieving with you. We'll be praying that it doesn't slow her down. Somehow I don't think it will. What an amazing little girl you have.
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